Goodbye 5, Hello 6!

September is always a whirlwind, both physically and emotionally.  Busy getting ready for their birthday party, back to school and getting into a routine, as well as reflecting on another year passed, and the joys and fears that came with delivering so early.  Facebook is great to remind you how the month unfolded from happy belly pics and baby shower posts to blog updates from the NICU as our babies fought to live. 

And this September was no different as I made the yearly video.  It takes a few weeks of picking pictures, the right song, and editing it to fit the song.  The song this year is one that is deeply personal to me.  It is Firework by Katy Perry.  I remember hearing it on the radio on the way to the hospital on my first day returning after being discharged.  I was still trying to grasp how this was going to work leaving my babies at the hospital every night, not knowing if they would make it through the night.  Not being able to hold them, it was very difficult to bond with them, and factor in doctors giving you survival statistics and grim prognosis on the babies made it even harder.  And then the song came on.  It had been out a few years, so I knew the words, and as I mouthed the lyrics in my dazed state, they really hit home.  I felt like the first verse was where I was at, but then the second verse was almost like a call out to my babies to let it shine and show them what your worth. And it gave me purpose.  Fast forward a few days and one of our nurses suggested I sing to the babies because I couldn't hold them yet and they would be comforted by hearing my voice.  So I just stood there at Elsie's isolette and I remember thinking I just couldn't sing 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' or any other lullaby for that matter.  Every baby song I could think of just didn't feel right, those songs are for Moms in a rocking chair in a nursery at home singing their babies asleep.  And out of nowhere I just started singing Firework.  And every time I sang it, the lyrics hit home harder and harder.  It was like our anthem. So here I am standing at my babies' incubators, singing a song about showing the world what your worth. 

As the weeks passed, I sang that song to them almost every day.  I also liked to sing Don't Stop Believing by Journey and whatever popular songs were on the radio, but no lullabies.  I didn't sing their first lullaby till we were home.  And since then, when I hear Firework, it is hard to listen to, it brings me right back to the NICU and gives me what feels like a mini panic attack.  But I listen.  To every word.  Because it is a big part of our story.  And I let myself relive all those emotions to remind me where we came from and how far we have come.  I've thought about using this song before for their yearly video, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  It was too hard to hear over and over.  And I won't lie, this year when I made the video I did almost 90% on mute so I didn't have to keep reliving it.  But it was time.  Time for this song to be positive because my babies did show them what their worth, and they let their colors burst and shot across the sky.

So here it is.  Our yearly video (appropriately named 5 year olds)

Other than the video, September has been busy.  Kids are exhausted every day after school.  they get on the bus with their bus driver Wayne at 8:23 and get off at 3:52.  Long day.     They all love their teachers.  Elsie has Ms. Santos, Danny has Mrs. Chamberlain, and Sam has Mrs. Schinigoi. 

Elsie in her Kindergarten class for Open House

We started soccer this fall.  Kids love it.  

Here are the lyrics to Katy Perry's Fireworks. 

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting thought the wind
Wanting to start again?

Do you ever feel so paper thin, 

Like a house of cards, One blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?                                                                                                          Six feet under scream                                                But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you,                                                                                       'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe.
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon